Manamagal Veettaarin Azhumbu - Arrogance

Sometimes the azhumbu done by the parents of "neo brides" is too much to digest.After having used to the numerous conditions posted by these brides parents, we , the boys side relatives are even willing to relocate the grooms to the place of the brides choice .But these people are so arrogant they are not even willing to listen to what the groom's side has to offer on the point of relocation .The moment someone mentions the name of a town or city other than that of the bride they simply disconnect the phone line.This is atrocious.Maybe Visu can make a film titled "Manal Kayiru" part 2 but this time the conditions would be from the bride side instead of the groom side.I think this film will become a superhit with repeat audience since nearly 95% of the Brahmin boys community would associate it with their own experience.

More reasons for declining a groom

4.Rejecting a groom based on height/weight by stipulating range of height / weight .

5.Stipulating conditions for the partner's profession such as Doctor / Accounts Professional /I.T. Guy .Recently a girl Axxxxx Sxxxxxx declined a groom saying she was a fashion designer by profession and so she would marry someone based in the U.S. or Europe only not Gulf or India.

6.In matrimony sites such as bharat matrimony,shaadi.com there is a provision for the prospective boy / girl to chat.Ironically the girls never reply to any messages posted on the chat window.Some of them dont even to bother to reciprocate even the hello /hi typed in the chat window leave alone chat.Very good lessons in courteous communication.No boy or girl can force the other to marry him or her thru a chat window.I just cant fathom why some so called well educated girls are so uncourteous in chat sessions.I think this is what their western education has taught them.

7.Rejecting a groom/bride based on meaningless tamil astro proverbs which have no scientific statistical basis whatsoever .Some of the proverbs used as a Bride/Groom declination tool are

Aann Moolam ArasaLum , PeNN moolam Nirmoolam

Kettai Jyeshtanukku agathu

Magham Jagam ALum

The Jathagap Porutham is an indicator for the well being of the would be couple.But It is used as a potent weapon by some parents to evade some brides/grooms.

Neither all Jathagam Porunthiya Kalyanams succeed , Nor all Love marriages fail ( There are exceptions to both ) . It is ultimately a mix of Jathaga porutham and Manap Parutham which would result in a sustained divorceless Blissful married life.

The actual reason for rejection may be something else ( such as Education/salary/height / weight / geographical location preference etc.) but it is falsely attributed to Jathaga porutham

Reasons for declining a groom

1.Does not meet minimum Educational criteria

( B.E./B.Tech./M.B.A./M.C.A./M.S./M.Tech./M.Phil./M.B.A./Ph.D.)

In some cases the Boy should also be specialised in a stream required by the bride such as Metallurgy/Polymer science/Rubber Technology/Rocket science/Info Tech otherwise he is liable to be rejected on the grounds of specailisation education criteria not met

2.Does not meet minimum salary criteria ( The Girl's salary would be mentioned and the Boy's expected salary would also be mentioned ) One girl Sxxxxxxxx from Nanganallur,Chennai earns Rs.40 K.She has stipulated that the boy should earn a minimum of Rs.55K.

3.If the Girl is in the U.S. then the boy should necessarily be from the U.S.( Again in certain cases the residing state would also be stipulated such as East coast /west coast / New york/California / Los Angeles. Luckily I am yet to come across conditions of same street and a particular door number and a particular shift timing of work or demanding a certain name for the groom citing some numerological reasons)

The elusive brahmin bride

A majority of the boys in the brahmin community are still in search of the Elusive bride .The Girls of the brahmin community are all well educated with fat pay checks ,own house ( houses of their own , not their parents) and hence have become independent decision makers .In the olden days the elders of the family such as thai mama , thatha ,paatti, sometimes even neighbours used to advise the grown up children who had attained marriagable age regarding the choice of a good spuouse and they were to a great extent influential in the selection of the bride / groom.

Nowadays the entire life style has changed.The prospective bride / groom are first wed to an electeonic device ( Ipod/Smart phone /Tablet PC) to such an extent that the physical spouse is only given a secondary status in life.

There is no denial of the fact that the brahmin society had been a largely male dominated
(Male chauvinistic society) one for a good period ( say 90 years from 1901 - 1990 ).But with the advent of Liberalisation in India in the 1990's all that changed.The girls studied well and outperformed the boys in Education/Jobs.from 1990 to 2010 by some coincidence the number of girls available for marriage vis a vis boys has also drastically reduced. According to many Jathaga parivarthan kendras there are approximately 8 boys per girl.That is to say the girl can now choose one boy from eight boys.In fact if the happenings of today are a pointer for things to come in the future we are not far off from the days of the Pandavas ( 5 of them were married to one Draupadi)

Inter caste marriages are on the rise.Marriages are now a matter of convenience.Divorce rates are on the rise like never before. 

Nowadays many prospective Grooms look to the internet for searching for suitable brides.There are at least 100 sites catering to such bride hunters .Shaadi,BharatMatrimony,KMM,IyengarMatrimony,Manamaalai,Swayamvaram are some of the leading websites.These websites host the particulars of the bride to be with their CV/Family particulars/Religion/Caste/Hobbies/Partner preferences etc with or without foto.The general human tendency of any person male or female would be to know how his/her would be bride/groom looks like.Nowadays most would be brides post their profiles on their own .But for some these are posted by their siblings or parents or friends.Nearly 60 % of the brides fotos are not published on the website due to some unknown reason (mostly fear which is sometimes unjustified) either by the brides themselves or their siblings or parents or friends.

I have been searching for a suitable bride for my younger brother thru  Bharat matrimony ,for the past 6 months.we have been searching for a suitable girl ,we have not been able to find any.Since we would like to know how the bride looks like we send a mail thru the website's own send mail option requesting for a foto .Most of the brides or their parents do not even have the basic etiquette to either acknowledge our mail or phone us and tell "sorry ,we can't send the photograph of our bride since our interests are not mutually compatible "or pl.excuse me ,I am already engaged .All that we expect is a reply to our query.If the prospective bride does not want to marry an x or Y groom ,it is her choice.No one can force her.But she or her parents or siblings or parents whoever happens to see the query posted thru the websites should have the basic etiquette and manners to decline either politely or otherwise as they deem.But displaying a stone in a well attitude is despicable and very frustrating (Kinathula potta Kallu" in Tamil ).If the above said cannot even reciprocate a communication and terminate the conversation initiated by one side what is the use of their American / English /Indian education ? .They are to be treated on par with illiterates as their education does not serve any practical purpose.
This is a bitter pill to swallow no doubt.But it is the truth.

I request all parents/siblings/friends and prospective brides to kindly ponder over these points

Searching for a bride -contd

We are still searching for a suitable bride for my younger brother ,xyz,Ph.D. with a decent salary in the middle east .We are close to finalising a bride.My brother wants to chat /talk with the bride to be before seeing the girl in person.His thinking is In case either the bride does not like the groom or the groom does not like the bride ,the in person meeting (Penn paarkkum padalam) between the groom and bride family is going to cause heartburn for both families.To avoid this unsavoury episode he and I (his eldest brother) want to avoid the in person meet till the preliminary chat /phone talk between the bride and groom takes place .This would save a lot of embarassment at a later stage.In this connection I would like to cite a real life incident that happened in Srirangam.A well settled Dubai based son of a Koyil Archaga came all the way from Dubai to Srirangam and then went to Karur for penn paarkkum nigazhchi with his family.But the Bride declined the groom .What a waste of time , money ,loss of face etc. causing unspeakable mental agony to the groom's family.To avoid such incidents it is preferable for the Informal communivation between the 2 parties involved.Sadly my father does not appreciate this principle.