My search for the elusive bride for my younger brother stopped on Nov20,2014 when my younger brother was engaged to Sou.........a.He is is now happily married to Sou...........of Mangalore , a Masters Degree holder in Architecture.(M.Arch) who is now travelling with him to the Middle East.

Lord Sriman NarayaNa has at last answered our prayers.

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your reply. Nowadays even getting a reply email from girl's parents is a rare event!

I understand your preference of prospective groom being a certain geographical location. But given today's volatile job market situation what guarantee is that someone who is in Chennai today or when he is married to your daughter is going to be in Chennai forever? What if he or your daughter gets a brilliant position, which gives complete satisfaction and justice to the education he or she earned, in a foreign location? After wedding?

By the same token what guarantee is that someone who is in Doha/Dubai/Singapore right now is going to be forever in that location???

I am sure you will agree that what should be of prime importance is the fact that the boy and girl should understand each other and have frequency match and the respective families have an affinity to each other. Geographical location of someone's job is just mere details which the person himself don't have total control over.

There are various reasons why someone is in a particular job in a particular country. Do you believe in dismissing an alliance for the mere fact that he is not in a certain location without EVEN getting to know more about the prospective groom?

I am sure given the surfeit of eligible bachelors in our community you will have plenty of choice in your preferred location. But at what cost?

I work at the forefront of world's cutting edge research. As part of my job I frequently meet with heads of states of various countries and help in decision making and research policy shaping of several developing countries.

I work ( and get handsomely paid) for finding solutions for fatal diseases, clean water, energy and security. Things that matter to our everyday life. So its more than just a job.

But all that is meaningless when it comes to finding a suitable life partner for me. and WHY? because I am not in a certain geographical location.

And from where I am right now I can be in Chennai in 4 hrs time. Faster than coming from Bangalore to Chennai.I have close to two and a half months of paid vacation per year to do that 4 hr journey SEVERAL times a year as I wish.

I am not being arrogant here. I am just stating my case. I have reached a good position in my life by getting a good education and sacrificing being away from family for several years. And my very own success is proving detrimental to me?

I am writing this email for my own selfish reason. Of course there are 1000's of guys like me in similar situation who are penalized for being successful in their life.

I sincerely hope you will put more thought in to an alliance and not just a geographical location.

Thank you for your time!

Sincerely,

A would be groom's reply to a would be bride declining him on grounds of Geographical location .

A Startling reason for declining a Groom

You may have come across ( heard) many reasons for the rejection of a groom by a prospective bride.But here is an incident which is like an icing on a cake .

 Real Life Incident 

The shishyas of a prominent Acharya Purusha were very happy that they got a bride for their son after searching for 3 years . A grand Nichayathartham ceremony was performed , Marriage hall finalised ,Invitations printed and as per tradition their Acharya was invited for the soon to take place wedding of their son..

Due to some reason the Acharya could not attend the wedding on the Muhurtha date printed on the invitation.The Acharya happened to meet the Shishyas after the wedding date and as is custom enquired about the smooth conduct of the marriage like this " Enna Kalyanam achaa? Matt(r)uppenn vandacha? " when he got a negative reply with a long face from the shishyas.
 
Upon further enquiry the shishyas narrated as follows


" We were excited about the Marriage and had made all arrangements for the Grand finale .A few days before the wedding date the would be bride ( Whose Nichayathartham was over) called over phone around 6.15 PM and wanted to speak to the would be groom .Since the boy was performing Sandhayavanthanam , we asked the Girl to call after some time and went about our duties .The Girl did not call back . Instead the Girls mother called us and told us the wedding cannot take place as planned as they perceived the Boy's family to be too orthodox ( aachaaraamana kudumbam) and that the Girl who was modern in her upbringing cannot cope with Santhayavanthanam , Thiruvarathanam,Madisar , Madi thaligai etc." saying so the Shishyas family wept in front of their Acharyan.

Where is our community headed? 

Can such incidents take place in Muslim or Non Brahmin community.

We have spoilt our society in the name of Liberalisation and unlimited freedom.



  
    

Manamagal Veettaarin Azhumbu - Arrogance

Sometimes the azhumbu done by the parents of "neo brides" is too much to digest.After having used to the numerous conditions posted by these brides parents, we , the boys side relatives are even willing to relocate the grooms to the place of the brides choice .But these people are so arrogant they are not even willing to listen to what the groom's side has to offer on the point of relocation .The moment someone mentions the name of a town or city other than that of the bride they simply disconnect the phone line.This is atrocious.Maybe Visu can make a film titled "Manal Kayiru" part 2 but this time the conditions would be from the bride side instead of the groom side.I think this film will become a superhit with repeat audience since nearly 95% of the Brahmin boys community would associate it with their own experience.

More reasons for declining a groom

4.Rejecting a groom based on height/weight by stipulating range of height / weight .

5.Stipulating conditions for the partner's profession such as Doctor / Accounts Professional /I.T. Guy .Recently a girl Axxxxx Sxxxxxx declined a groom saying she was a fashion designer by profession and so she would marry someone based in the U.S. or Europe only not Gulf or India.

6.In matrimony sites such as bharat matrimony,shaadi.com there is a provision for the prospective boy / girl to chat.Ironically the girls never reply to any messages posted on the chat window.Some of them dont even to bother to reciprocate even the hello /hi typed in the chat window leave alone chat.Very good lessons in courteous communication.No boy or girl can force the other to marry him or her thru a chat window.I just cant fathom why some so called well educated girls are so uncourteous in chat sessions.I think this is what their western education has taught them.

7.Rejecting a groom/bride based on meaningless tamil astro proverbs which have no scientific statistical basis whatsoever .Some of the proverbs used as a Bride/Groom declination tool are

Aann Moolam ArasaLum , PeNN moolam Nirmoolam

Kettai Jyeshtanukku agathu

Magham Jagam ALum

The Jathagap Porutham is an indicator for the well being of the would be couple.But It is used as a potent weapon by some parents to evade some brides/grooms.

Neither all Jathagam Porunthiya Kalyanams succeed , Nor all Love marriages fail ( There are exceptions to both ) . It is ultimately a mix of Jathaga porutham and Manap Parutham which would result in a sustained divorceless Blissful married life.

The actual reason for rejection may be something else ( such as Education/salary/height / weight / geographical location preference etc.) but it is falsely attributed to Jathaga porutham

Reasons for declining a groom

1.Does not meet minimum Educational criteria

( B.E./B.Tech./M.B.A./M.C.A./M.S./M.Tech./M.Phil./M.B.A./Ph.D.)

In some cases the Boy should also be specialised in a stream required by the bride such as Metallurgy/Polymer science/Rubber Technology/Rocket science/Info Tech otherwise he is liable to be rejected on the grounds of specailisation education criteria not met

2.Does not meet minimum salary criteria ( The Girl's salary would be mentioned and the Boy's expected salary would also be mentioned ) One girl Sxxxxxxxx from Nanganallur,Chennai earns Rs.40 K.She has stipulated that the boy should earn a minimum of Rs.55K.

3.If the Girl is in the U.S. then the boy should necessarily be from the U.S.( Again in certain cases the residing state would also be stipulated such as East coast /west coast / New york/California / Los Angeles. Luckily I am yet to come across conditions of same street and a particular door number and a particular shift timing of work or demanding a certain name for the groom citing some numerological reasons)

The elusive brahmin bride

A majority of the boys in the brahmin community are still in search of the Elusive bride .The Girls of the brahmin community are all well educated with fat pay checks ,own house ( houses of their own , not their parents) and hence have become independent decision makers .In the olden days the elders of the family such as thai mama , thatha ,paatti, sometimes even neighbours used to advise the grown up children who had attained marriagable age regarding the choice of a good spuouse and they were to a great extent influential in the selection of the bride / groom.

Nowadays the entire life style has changed.The prospective bride / groom are first wed to an electeonic device ( Ipod/Smart phone /Tablet PC) to such an extent that the physical spouse is only given a secondary status in life.

There is no denial of the fact that the brahmin society had been a largely male dominated
(Male chauvinistic society) one for a good period ( say 90 years from 1901 - 1990 ).But with the advent of Liberalisation in India in the 1990's all that changed.The girls studied well and outperformed the boys in Education/Jobs.from 1990 to 2010 by some coincidence the number of girls available for marriage vis a vis boys has also drastically reduced. According to many Jathaga parivarthan kendras there are approximately 8 boys per girl.That is to say the girl can now choose one boy from eight boys.In fact if the happenings of today are a pointer for things to come in the future we are not far off from the days of the Pandavas ( 5 of them were married to one Draupadi)

Inter caste marriages are on the rise.Marriages are now a matter of convenience.Divorce rates are on the rise like never before. 

Nowadays many prospective Grooms look to the internet for searching for suitable brides.There are at least 100 sites catering to such bride hunters .Shaadi,BharatMatrimony,KMM,IyengarMatrimony,Manamaalai,Swayamvaram are some of the leading websites.These websites host the particulars of the bride to be with their CV/Family particulars/Religion/Caste/Hobbies/Partner preferences etc with or without foto.The general human tendency of any person male or female would be to know how his/her would be bride/groom looks like.Nowadays most would be brides post their profiles on their own .But for some these are posted by their siblings or parents or friends.Nearly 60 % of the brides fotos are not published on the website due to some unknown reason (mostly fear which is sometimes unjustified) either by the brides themselves or their siblings or parents or friends.

I have been searching for a suitable bride for my younger brother thru  Bharat matrimony ,for the past 6 months.we have been searching for a suitable girl ,we have not been able to find any.Since we would like to know how the bride looks like we send a mail thru the website's own send mail option requesting for a foto .Most of the brides or their parents do not even have the basic etiquette to either acknowledge our mail or phone us and tell "sorry ,we can't send the photograph of our bride since our interests are not mutually compatible "or pl.excuse me ,I am already engaged .All that we expect is a reply to our query.If the prospective bride does not want to marry an x or Y groom ,it is her choice.No one can force her.But she or her parents or siblings or parents whoever happens to see the query posted thru the websites should have the basic etiquette and manners to decline either politely or otherwise as they deem.But displaying a stone in a well attitude is despicable and very frustrating (Kinathula potta Kallu" in Tamil ).If the above said cannot even reciprocate a communication and terminate the conversation initiated by one side what is the use of their American / English /Indian education ? .They are to be treated on par with illiterates as their education does not serve any practical purpose.
This is a bitter pill to swallow no doubt.But it is the truth.

I request all parents/siblings/friends and prospective brides to kindly ponder over these points